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So I keep riding this roller coaster of emotions, waiting for my chance to one day step off this horrible road of twists and turns, ups and downs. Trying to process this season of life that we are in while holding onto any glimmer of hope I can find. But it’s hard, and I’m tired. And we’re only just beginning again.

I needed help, and that was the most humbling realization that I was struggling with something I couldn’t fix on my own. We hold onto emotions and thoughts so tightly that they start to define who we are. Our self-worth can be tied up in something so fleeting as body image, weight, titles like being a mom, wife, or having a successful career.

I know the feeling of hopelessness. I have lived in this dark state for weeks, feeling like there is nothing that will lift my heart out of this deep place. I didn't realize there was such a low point for me until I look back on these weeks since we lost our baby. The worst feeling for me was when we were in the hospital right after our miscarriage had just happened.