pregnancy

Without going into too much detail, on Tuesday evening, I was taken to the hospital. Due to the situation and the amount of blood loss, I was kept overnight. But this time, when I was sitting in the hospital, I had a few realizations.

So, this morning was my last pregnancy test; it was negative. Otherwise, the tone of this post would be different. But the trust is there, and I will let God lead me on our journey. I decided this morning that I had to stop chasing this dream with such vigor and try to accomplish something that was out of my control. I'm hoping that in this stillness and quiet, I can hear God's voice better. 

The waiting game nobody sees The emotional high and low Of counting and tracking and hoping That its our time to start to show

So close. We were so close to being pregnant again; I could feel it. My anxiety was ramping up, I was gaining weight, I could feel cramping in my abdomen- I knew we were finally heading in the right direction.

I know the feeling of hopelessness. I have lived in this dark state for weeks, feeling like there is nothing that will lift my heart out of this deep place. I didn't realize there was such a low point for me until I look back on these weeks since we lost our baby. The worst feeling for me was when we were in the hospital right after our miscarriage had just happened.

I've been waiting for this day with so much hope and excitement since we found out we were pregnant. May 5th is our anatomy scan day! We would finally be able to see our little guy in full view and see him growing into his little body.

I immediately purchased the two dogs that looked like Ramsay and Rhodie, but I didn’t realize that a few weeks later, I would also buy the painting “Dancing With Jesus” to go with the two dogs.

Each day brings something different and some are better than others. But for now, I will wait. I will be still. I will not rush or force healing, but learn to abide and see how he uses this terrible situation in my life for good.

Nobody can give you an answer or a reason for why you miscarried, gave birth prematurely, or lost a pregnancy.

And it's hard when you know God could intervene and change the circumstances and give you a miracle in your current situation.

Many people have told me that they believe God wanted this baby for himself, but I don’t think that’s the case.

The story behind our first pregnancy and miscarriage.