Does Prayer Really Work?

Lately, I've been questioning the concept of prayers. We give our requests to God in the hopes that He will bless us and fulfill the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). But what happens when these prayers are not answered? I started asking questions like, "Is God really there? Is He active in my life or just watching everything play out?" The big question for me was, "If God knows the outcome of our situation already, does He go in and change the outcome if I pray?" The heart of these questions is, "Does prayer really work?"

Think of it this way: God KNEW I would lose this baby. I believed wholeheartedly that this baby was a gift from Him. The timing was perfect; we had been praying for years to start a family, we conceived naturally, and I had given up modeling and competing in pageants the month before; so many different things added up that pointed to immaculate conception and God's timing in our life with this pregnancy. Yet we lost the baby. Why did God let this happen? Every morning, I prayed for this baby to come to term. I declared publically that this pregnancy was a gift from God, that He would see it through, and that we would be blessed with a healthy baby this fall. I had faith, and I prayed diligently and wholeheartedly, yet here I am with empty arms, a heavy heart, and a bleeding womb.

Reading helps me process emotions when I read something I can relate to. So I purchased the book Surviving The Loss Of A Child by Elizabeth B. Brown, hoping she could tell and help me put words to the emotions I was feeling. In this book, there's a chapter called 'If Only I Had More Faith,' when I was struggling with these intense questions, God answered me here through her words. 

She talks about the story of Jesus' crucifixion. Christ communicated perfectly with God when He prayed, "Father if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done (Luke 22:42)." He embodied all the perfect elements of prayer: faith, lack of sin, earnest petition, etc. But He was still crucified. Elizabeth Brown explains this in her book by saying,

"God did not grant His prayer. Judging Christ's prayer in human terms, on the basis of faith and petition, it failed. However when we judge that way, we overlook the fact that God's will is the critical factor, because He alone knows the total design of life (Brown)."

So, if we believe that God is active in our lives, we have to believe that He permitted the death of my baby. I have to accept that even though God heard my prayers, pleas, and begging, He still let my little one die. Now my question evolved from "Does prayer really work," to "Was it God's will for my child to die?" We live in a broken world full of sin, evil, and hurt. I do not believe God ultimately causes death, but I do believe He allows it. Tragedy can be viewed in two ways: either we choose to believe God is good and His will for our life will still happen regardless of the situation, or we can choose to believe He doesn't answer prayers, He is no longer active in our lives, and He doesn't care. We get to decide how we view our Heavenly Father. 

Yes, I wish He would have granted my prayer to save my child, but He is not limited by time. He sees the bigger picture, and my desires will not thwart His will. If His will is for me to have a child, it will happen. I don't know why this child died. Everything was healthy; the labs were perfect, and the heartbeat looked good. I prayed diligently, and then, all of a sudden, my baby was gone. So, was it God's will for this baby to die? I've struggled so much with this question, but yes, I believe it was, and I am still trying to come to terms with that. His will differed from mine, and my prayers and desires do not change or alter His will. I know He is with me in this suffering, and nothing can change His plan for my life. So, while I believe prayer works, I do not think it ultimately changes His will.

We can choose to believe He is good and He is working to bring purpose from pain. Or we can believe the opposite: He is uninvolved, and prayer is worthless. It ultimately is our choice of how we choose to view God and His will in our lives. God's plans do not have to be the same as mine to be considered good. Lysa TerKeurst puts it this way, "God is good. He is good to me. He is good at being God." Do we trust that His will is the best path for our lives?

Through little moments, I have seen His goodness during this time in our lives. I’ve seen glimpses of hope through the words of friends and strangers. I felt lighthearted and relieved when we would come home from a long day of work to a meal train provided by our community. I have finally been able to sleep through the night, and I chose to believe these little moments are from Him.

I will keep praying, asking God questions, and seeing how he comes through with answers through His word, people, and books. In conclusion, I don't know why it was God's will for my baby to die, but I choose to try to find moments of goodness and His provisions during this season. I trust His plans are better than mine; even in the darkest moments, I will believe that He is good. Elizabeth Brown puts it this way in her book,

"Faith is a walk based on knowledge that God guides, causes and has out ultimate good in His design; it is not based on feelings (Brown)."

Purchase your copy of Surviving The Loss Of A Child by Elizabeth Brown on Amazon here https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Loss-Child-Support-Grieving/dp/0800733568