My Anatomy Scan Day

I've been waiting for this day with so much hope and excitement since we found out we were pregnant. May 5th is our anatomy scan day! We would finally be able to see our little guy in full view and see him growing into his little body.

Now, it's been 6 weeks since we lost our baby, and time is still moving on while I'm standing still. Milestones, like significant appointments, are some of my hardest days because they remind me of what could have been.

It feels like there was a trap door in my life. I was on this incredible journey to motherhood. I had all of these appointments scheduled, expectations of pregnancy, visions, and plans for our future, and then all of a sudden, the trap door opened, and I plummeted to the bottom. Everything was ripped away from me instantly with no warning or explanation. I went from my highest high to my lowest low. Now, I am forced to relive that day repeatedly every time one of these days comes around. And these big appointments and plans I have been looking forward to are now just bad dreams.

I feel like I am living a nightmare. One second everything is fine and I feel like we were never pregnant, then the next, something will remind me of my reality and the trap door opens again.