So, this morning was my last pregnancy test; it was negative. Otherwise, the tone of this post would be different. But the trust is there, and I will let God lead me on our journey. I decided this morning that I had to stop chasing this dream with such vigor and try to accomplish something that was out of my control. I'm hoping that in this stillness and quiet, I can hear God's voice better. 

One of the biggest and most consistent blessings in my life has been yoga.

I know the feeling of hopelessness. I have lived in this dark state for weeks, feeling like there is nothing that will lift my heart out of this deep place. I didn't realize there was such a low point for me until I look back on these weeks since we lost our baby. The worst feeling for me was when we were in the hospital right after our miscarriage had just happened.

I immediately purchased the two dogs that looked like Ramsay and Rhodie, but I didn’t realize that a few weeks later, I would also buy the painting “Dancing With Jesus” to go with the two dogs.

Sometimes, I feel that God is so far away. But this Easter morning I'm reminded that God also experienced the loss of a child.

Hear Him, though the voice may be soft and low, Hear Him and you′ll know

Each day brings something different and some are better than others. But for now, I will wait. I will be still. I will not rush or force healing, but learn to abide and see how he uses this terrible situation in my life for good.

I see you in the sunrise, when the colors are bright and strong

And it's hard when you know God could intervene and change the circumstances and give you a miracle in your current situation.

Many people have told me that they believe God wanted this baby for himself, but I don’t think that’s the case.